by Bridget Rolens
Lovingkindness, Compassion, Appreciative Joy, and Equanimity are called Brahma Viharas. The word “brahma” can be translated as “heavenly” and the word “vihara” can be translated as “home.” When these four qualities permeate our minds and hearts, we might say that we are dwelling in a heavenly state.
One meditative practice that strengthens these four qualities is that of offering phrases of well-wishing to various categories of beings; that they have happiness, be free from suffering, enjoy good fortune and remain balanced and at peace in the midst of the challenges of life. I have heard a variety of “equanimity” phrases over my years of practice.
Some examples:
- May you open to how it is right now because this IS how it is, right now.
- Everything is constantly changing, may you be at peace in the midst of it all.
- May you bring compassion and equanimity to the events of your life and to the events of the world.
- May your mind and heart always be in balance and at peace.
- You are the owner of your karma. Your happiness and suffering depend upon your actions not on my wishes for you.
At first that last phrase about being the owner of one’s karma puzzled me. It did not have the same feeling of a “wish” that the other phrases had. When I imagined saying it to another being, it seemed to lack the warmth of the wishes offered in the other Brahma Vihara meditations.
But as I continued to deepen my understanding of karma – that each person is the owner of their karma, and that their suffering depends on their actions – I found myself feeling a sense of relief. It was an antidote to a conditioned tendency to try to control the thoughts, feelings and behaviors of others so that they would be happy.
A deeper look into this tendency revealed an erroneous view that, if I can make everyone happy, then I’ll be safe. This is a delusion. Yes, I do have some control over the consequences of my actions because I can choose wholesome actions that lead to liberation from suffering. But I have no control over the actions of others.
My experience of practicing the Brahma Viharas has led me to an appreciation of the value of Equanimity as a balance to the other three Brahma Viharas.
I had noticed that, at times, I would feel a constriction in my body when I practiced loving-kindness, compassion or appreciative joy. My mind would be preoccupied with finding just the right phrases as if they had the power to effect the outcomes I desired for the recipient of wishes. This clinging to outcomes created suffering for me. But when I reminded myself that this person’s happiness and suffering depended on their actions, not on my wishes for them, the physical constriction released and my mind and heart were open and at peace.
It is important to remember that the primary purpose of the practice of the Brahma Viharas is to change our minds and hearts, not to somehow change the circumstances of those to whom we direct our wishes for happiness, freedom from suffering, and good fortune.
While we may wish with all our hearts for their circumstances to change, their happiness depends on their actions.
I would like to end by sharing the Brahma Vihara practice of Equanimity that has evolved so far for me.
Extending wishes to myself:
- I am the owner of my karma. My happiness and unhappiness depend on my actions, not on my wishes for myself.
- May I experience the results of my past karma with an open heart.
- Everything that arises passes away, may I be at peace in the midst of it all.
- May I bring compassion and equanimity to the events of my life and the events of the world.
Extending wishes to others:
- You are the owner of your karma. Your happiness and unhappiness depend on your actions, not on my wishes for you.
- May you experience the results of your past karma with an open heart.
- Everything that arises passes away, may you be at peace in the midst of it all.
- May you bring compassion and equanimity to the events of your life and the events of the world.
Bridget Rolens has been practicing Insight Meditation in the Theravada tradition and sharing her experience of the Buddha’s teachings since 1997. She is recognized by the Spirit Rock Teachers Council as a Community Dharma Leader. She will be leading an online retreat January 18 – 21, 2024.