Being human, we are all subject to suffering. We experience suffering due to pain; both the physical manifestation of pain and its associated mental anguish. We experience suffering simply because we exist in a conditioned world with all its imperfections and we experience suffering from our resistance to change. All this suffering leads us to live in a constant search for solutions to end the suffering. We move from one problem to the next. Each time we find a solution, we reinforce the need to find more solutions.
Buddha suggested we take a different route. Instead of constantly searching for solutions to problems, we take up a Noble Search for happiness and joy. A Noble Search requires that we begin to take an interest in the nature of suffering rather than looking for a way out of it or a way to end it. To do this, we will need to let go of the idea that “something is a problem”. The word “problem” denotes that something is wrong, needs to be fixed or corrected and that there exists something better than what is in front of us.
For a long time, I tried to use my meditation practice as a way of healing myself from all my troubles. I described my efforts as “sitting with” or “being with“, my fear, sadness, anger and any of the other nasty emotions I didn’t like. I mistakenly believed that meditation would take me to a state of being where such emotions no longer existed or at least no longer affected me. Of course, whenever I felt these emotions (as I continuously did), I believed I was a failure at meditation.
My Noble Search began, however, while spending an evening at home with my two sons re-watching the movie “The Matrix” for the third time. For those of you who have not seen the movie, there is a moment when the protagonist sees a spoon bending in front of a little boy. The protagonist then tries to use his mind to bend one of the spoons in front of him, but nothing happens. The boy tells the protagonist ‘”do not try to bend the spoon, that is impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth…there is no spoon. Then you’ll see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself”.
Upon hearing this, I had a flash of awareness and understanding. I realized that I was trying to use my meditation practice to change my reality just as the protagonist was trying to use his mind to bend the spoon. Neither of which are possible. What if there was no problem just as there was no spoon? What if my problems were all a matter of perception? I paused the movie and, in a state of euphoria, tried to explain this insight to my sons. They were not impressed.
I was completely changed, however. I became increasingly curious about anything I considered a problem. I wanted to know why I thought some situations were problems and some were not, what made something a problem, was there a way I could see the situation for what it was without seeing it as a problem, etc. The more I inquired into these unpleasant, uncomfortable and uneasy experiences the less difficulty I had with them. In fact, I found myself having the capacity to face extremely difficult situations with greater equanimity and peace. My greater sense of ease had nothing to do with my life getting easier or better. I had no added money, no new found love, no promotion and neither had some other good fortune come my way. Nothing had changed in my life except my decision to stop seeing reality as a problem.
This brings me to another important aspect of a Noble Search that needs mentioning. It arises when you are willing to let yourself see the dangers and limitations inherent in our traditional tools for happiness and joy. So long as we believe we have to “be happy” we cannot be “unhappy” and whenever we are “unhappy” we have to get “happy” again. This can become a vicious cycle. Mainly because it is impossible and unrealistic to always “be happy”. We begin to depend upon our traditional tools to make us happy and they do make us happy to a certain extent. I definitely feel good when I have more money, more recognition, more fun times, etc. Difficulties arise, however, when I become attached to these traditional tools for happiness or when I take the easier path and just try to “play” my difficulties away.
By letting go of the need to “be happy” you can open yourself to “just be” with whatever is arising in the moment. If you find yourself in a moment of unpleasantness – or what we call unhappiness – see if you can see it for what it is; a moment in time, an opportunity for awakening; a path to liberation.
Starting out on a Noble Search is not an easy path at first; certainly not as easy as using our traditional tools. Over time, however, this Noble Search for joy within suffering will bring with it a greater sense of harmony, balance, and inner strength and, above all, unconditional joy. This joy is not something you acquire. It is an experience that arises within the difficult. It is not subject to the limitations of our conditioned world nor is it something you can learn how to make happen. It is a natural arising aspect of being still with whatever is present and it is available to all who are willing to search for it.
Tuere Sala is a retired prosecuting attorney who has practiced Vipassana meditation for over 25 years. She will be in St. Louis September 4-6, 2020 to lead a non-residential retreat.