Sometimes it shocks me how much of an advocate I am towards the Brahma Vihara practices. The Brahma Viharas, sometimes called the divine abodes/abidings, are lovingkindness (metta), compassion (karuna), sympathetic or appreciative joy (mudita) and equanimity (upekkha). The practices are a series of phrases designed to cultivate conditions that awaken the heart. For many years of practice I could not see any value in saying the phases. I thought of them as nothing more than repetitive affirmations. I would say the words while thinking “what is the point of this?”; “I hate this”; “this is stupid”. I was looking for a deeper more meaningful meditation. The Brahma Vihara phrases seemed superficial, so I thought they were not “real” meditation. All that changed while on a 7 day retreat.
This was not my first retreat, but this was the first time I experienced a retreat with difficult emotions, thinking and images. I spent the first two days struggling through each meditation and walking period. I kept telling myself to go home, but I would not. I just kept showing up for each sit no matter how difficult. I used the walking periods to let go of any residual tension and start again at the next sit. On the third day at lunch, I began to notice how connected I was to everyone in the dining hall. I felt the kindness of people I had never spoken to and most I didn’t even know. I carried that sense of connection and care into the sitting after lunch and when the sadness came I held it with that same kindness.
Holding my difficulties rather than struggling with them to go away enabled me to see the pain I had been carrying around with me my entire adult life.
I felt compassion for all that I had lived through and realized that I was feeling empowered, not pity. As I became stronger and more centered, I stopped judging every experience as good or bad. I stopped labeling each emotion or thought. I just sat and watched whatever arose and watched as it faded away. At the evening talk, hearing the Dharma, I was overcome with gratitude that I had the opportunity to be at that retreat. I appreciated that I could look into suffering with compassion rather than running from it with fear.
The insight of that retreat hit me about a week after I returned home while I was walking to work in the early morning hours. It hit me with such clarity that I had to stop walking and just feel the joy that was arising. I realized that the Brahma Vihara practices were not just some sidebar practice we do once in a while. The Brahma Viharas were the power behind all practice. When I became connected in the dining hall, I was abiding in lovingkindness. I was no longer in my head. I was in my heart and the whole of the practice was open to me. The power of compassion and equanimity provided the strength for me to look deeply into pain I never wanted to see. In fact, I never could have looked at what arose but for the divine abiding of lovingkindness, compassion and equanimity. Even the experience of joy supported me throughout the rest of the retreat by generating a willingness to look at what was arising with more and more subtlety.
Standing silently in the middle of the sidewalk, I understood that it was the Brahma Viharas that brought the Dharma to life and made a deeper meditation possible for me. I was always driven by my thoughts, judgments and opinions. I was leery of my heart and thought I could better shield myself from pain and harm by protecting the heart. In truth, I found it was the heart that provided my greatest protection. I saw for myself that the heart can hold all things and knows the rightness of all action. Cultivating the Brahma Viharas enables me to become more and more comfortable with the power and understanding of the heart. Now when I say the phrases I make sure I am connected to the heart, knowing that what I say could be the source of liberation for me and all sentient beings. May you be happy. May you be peaceful. May you live with joy.
Tuere Sala is a retired prosecuting attorney who has practiced Vipassana meditation for over 25 years. She will be in St. Louis September 6-8, 2019 to lead a non-residential retreat.